If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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