I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
if only i could text you this smell
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
