I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Is it penis luge time yet?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
