I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
