So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
