i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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