as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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