Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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