rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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