I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
