nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
