You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Is Oprah even human
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
