Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
