Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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