why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
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