she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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