I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
