if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
