i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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