Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
