Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize