So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
