remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize