it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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