Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
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