I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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