I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
