wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize