I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
