I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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