when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
