peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
