And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
