just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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