Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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