All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
