a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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