It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
well I can't set my house on fire every night
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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