I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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