You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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