i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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