Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize