i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
