Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
