can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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