im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize