when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
