my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
