Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Randomize
