awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
