Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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