i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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