we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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