maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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