Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
