i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
