I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
