similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
