i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize