Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
