there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
