I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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