God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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