if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
