Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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