the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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