That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
