I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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