why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
