You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
