My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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